The Nobody Side
by horsie606
Summary: Roxas doesn't have the past like most Nobodies, but what he has still haunts him.


I don't really have the pleasure of leading two lives like most Nobodies. Most Nobodies don't have their Somebodies around anymore, so they lead (more or less) two lives. That's not my case, Sora's still alive, so it's not my story to tell, it's his. So what that leaves me with is the Nobody side of life, what happened when I joined Organization 13.

When I became a part of Organization 13, Axel was the only one to reach out to me. He seemed to genuinely care about me, instead of just treating me like a kid, like everyone else did. One day we were sitting a top the clock tower and the topic of being gay came up. Being a new Nobody, I didn't really understand the whole "no heart" thing, and I was confused when Axel said that he wished he could love. He saw the confusion in my face and explained that our hearts were consumed by darkness therefore we had none. It confused me even more because I always felt like there was something there when I was with Axel.

"But…Axel…" I started, my voice quiet, "I feel like I still have a heart." Axel looked over at me and smiled,

"Why would you say that Rox?" I blinked at him slowly and looked back out to the horizon,

"Because you make me feel like there's something there."

Axel was holding me up by my thighs, pinning me against the wall and kissing me roughly. I didn't mind, quite far from it actually. I loved the way he touched me, kissed me. I especially loved how aggressive he was being. After I had admitted that he made me feel like I had a heart, he responded by saying that I made him feel the same. Things had just snowballed from there.

He threw me down on the bed and started removing his cloak. I stared at him wide eyed. I was 15 at the time and I was totally clueless when it came to sex and such. Axel gave me a comforting smile and lied down on the bed next to me. He touched my cheek and kissed the side of my head.

"Sorry, I get carried away." He murmured against my hair. I looked at him and kissed him quickly.

"I'm just scared…" I whispered. He stroked my cheek gently and told me we didn't have to do anything if I didn't want to. We just ended up cuddling that night and Axel fell asleep rather quickly. I stayed awake that night, watching him sleep, wondering how everything was going to play out. At around 3 in the morning Axel shifted so he was pressed against me. I shut my eyes and savoured how good it felt for him to be that close. That moment I realized that I wanted him to be closer to me, how much I wanted him. I trailed kisses down his neck, hoping to wake him. His eyes fluttered open and he gave me a sleepy smile.

"What'cha doing?" He yawned, wrapping his arms around my waist. I shrugged and kissed his collarbone. He laughed lightly and kissed my head. I frowned, upset that he wasn't getting my hint that I wanted to do more with him. He shifted again so I was on top of him and he kissed my jaw bone. I shut my eyes slowly and opened my mouth slightly. I felt him smile against my skin.

"I get it." He played with the zipper on my cloak. "You wanna do more?" I nodded once and sat up so I was straddling his stomach. He watched me as I took off my cloak and he pulled me down on top of him and started kissing me roughly again. Things went by quickly then, we had our boxers off, he grabbed a bottle of lube, then he just went to town.

He held me when he fell asleep again, but honestly I just wasn't tired. I stayed awake that whole night, just enjoying the idea that finally, somebody was all mine.

Things fell out fast though. Axel had horrible commitment issues and still slept around the castle with everything that breathed. I, was just his lowly boyfriend who would always take him back. I'd cry myself to sleep sometimes because he told me he loved me but I knew he couldn't mean it.

I had to get away one day so I decided to go to the clock tower. Upon my arrival though, I saw that it was already occupied. They noticed me almost immediately and their piercing blue eyes, identical to mine, widened in surprise.

"Sora…" I whispered breathlessly, taking a step back. Sora and I had become friends over the course of the years, we were close, but hardly got to see each other. We considered ourselves brothers more than anything.

"Roxas…"He said standing up, "Roxas!" He smiled widely and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back and kissed his cheek, giving him a sad smile. We sat down and started talking, then I noticed a small pink scar on his wrist.

"Sor? What's that?" I asked, pointing to his wrist. He followed my gaze and clumsily tried to hide it from me.

"Nothing Rox." He muttered, not meeting my eyes. Then it clicked in my head,

"You're doing it again." I looked down and felt tears in my eyes.

"Rox." He said, his voice cracking. "I'm trying to stop, I swear." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently. "Really, but it's just like…there's this part of me that just wants me too. I'm not strong enough to fight it though…"He said trailing off. I sniffled as I felt tears fall down my cheeks.

"I need you Sora. I can't lose you to this." He wrapped his arms around me carefully and let me cry on his shoulder. "Let me help you…" I said sadly after a couple minutes of silence. He pulled me closer,

"Unless you can get rid of this part of me, I'm afraid you can't Roxy."

That's when I got an idea. First though, I have to explain something. Nobodies can't die. The only way we can die is of natural causes. So if we're murdered or commit suicide, we come back to life within a matter of days. For me on the other hand, when I die, I go back to Sora's body, and for lack of a better word I have to be extracted and put back into my own body.

"Sora. Kill me." Was all I said, and in return I got a very horrified and confused look. "If you kill me I can make that part of you a part of me Sora. You can be happy."

After much fighting and resisting, Sora reluctantly agreed. We both went to Zexion who offered to put me back when I was done, then well, Sora stabbed me.

Two days later, I was back in my own body with the 'bad' part of Sora, now a part of me. At first I didn't feel any different, but as time went on I started to understand what Sora meant. Exactly two weeks later, Axel and I were having problems again because he had now slept with Saix. I went back up to the clock tower, longing to be with Sora again, but was soon followed by the fire starter.

"Rox…I'm sorry." He said touching my shoulder gently. I jerked away from him and stood up.

"You say that every time!" I screamed at him, "Every god damn time Axel!" I started crying again, stepping back as he tried to advance on me. I felt my heel hanging off the side of the tower.

"Maybe I should just jump! Get out of your way so you can sleep with anyone you want!" He stared at me, utter fear laced in his green eyes.

"Roxas no…Come on." He said holding his hand out, taking a baby step towards me.

"Why should I?" I screamed again, sliding my heel further off, "I don't matter anymore!" I stomped my foot down and that's when it happened. My foot didn't come back down on the clock tower and instead landed on the side causing me to lose my footing and fall off the clock tower.

"Roxas!" Axel screamed, trying to grab me, but he was just a split second too late. I knew I was going to die, and somewhere, deep inside me, I was happy. I shut my eyes and waited to hit but soon I felt…arms around me? I blinked my eyes open to see Axel's arms around me, his body under mine, so he would hit the ground first. A panic settled over me as I realized I didn't want him to die so I did the only thing I could think of, created a portal. We fell through it and landed in three feet of snow, and Axel hadn't moved. I looked up at him only to see a steady flow of blood coming out of his nose but nowhere else. That usually meant internal damage. I quickly got him to a hospital where he stayed in a coma for several days. They told me he'd probably have some memory loss, so not to be surprised if he didn't remember much. One day, Saix came to visit. Axel hadn't woken up yet but I didn't want to be in the way of them.

"I-I'm so-sorry." I stuttered, trying to wipe away the tears on my cheeks, "I-I'll leave." I stood up quickly and walked for the door, only for Saix to grabbed my wrist as I passed him. I yelped as he grabbed my shoulders and crouched down to be eye level with me.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked quietly. I felt my lip starting to quivering as I flung my arms around him and quietly cried into the crook of his neck. He picked me up and carried me through a portal that led back to the castle. He set me down on one of the couches and vowed that while Axel was gone, he would be there for me. Saix made me feel better but I couldn't shake the guilt and sadness that I had landed Axel in the hospital.

He left me alone one day and during that time their was a voice inside my head that told me that I needed to hurt because I had hurt Axel. I agreed with it. I grabbed one of the kitchen knives and sat down on the tiled floor. I flipped the blade over in my hand a couple times, before pressing the point to my palm and slowly pushing it all the way through. I whimpered, for obvious reasons, but it didn't really feel like enough for me. I stabbed my thigh once, then a second time, then was going for a third when Saix came in and grabbed my hand.

I knew he got me to the hospital but when we got there I blacked out. I woke up in a room with absolutely nobody there for me and I started to cry all over again. I was interrupted though, when a young brunette nurse entered my room.

"Oh! You're awake! Thank goodness!. Your brother told me to tell you he was sorry but he had to go." Sora was here?

"Sora?" I asked confused. How would he find out about me?"No um…Saix I think it was." She gave me a small smile and promised she would be right back. Saix was my brother now? I sniffled and wiped my eyes on my sleeves, what was going on? The nurse came back and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Can I call your parents sweetie?" I blinked confused again.

"I don't have any." I looked down and examined the bandages on my hand.

"Oh, then who cares for you?"

"My brother." I flipped my hand over, trying to decide how thick the gauze was.

"Oh…poor baby." She touched my arm gently, "Would you like me to call him…um?"

"Roxas." I finished for her.

"Roxas." She repeated, her sweet smile returning to her lips. "You can call me Miss Jane if you want. I can call Saix if you want." I nodded slightly, what harm could it do…

Over the course of the next few days, Miss Jane and I became really close. Soon enough, Saix got fed up with me and told Miss Jane that if she loved me so much she should just go ahead and adopt me. Surprisingly, she did just that and I moved in with her after I was released from the hospital. When I moved there I met Noah, who had an obvious crush on Jane, and they got engaged soon after I came. Then I met her two gay friend, Jason and Rolland. Jason and I soon became good friends as well. But there was always something there that made me feel horrible about myself. I started cutting, I have no problem admitting it, I was trying to get the pain of having all my old friends leaving, disappear.

One day though, somebody came to visit. It was around midnight and when I heard the knocks on the door my mind flashed to everything from a serial killer to the boogey man. The last thing I expected was for it to be Sora.

"Sora!" I half screamed, half whispered and my arms flung around his neck.

"Hey Roxy." He laughed quietly, snaking his arms around my waist and carrying me over to the couch.

"Oh, Sora, Sora, Sora." He gave me a small smile,

"Oh Roxy, Roxy, Roxy." He repeated giving me a quick kiss on the head.

"What are you doing here? How'd you find me?" I asked excitedly, standing up and grabbing both of his hands.

"Well," He started, smiling at me again, "I saw Axel the other day, he was with Saix, so I asked Saix where you were. He told me you were at the hospital," he gave me a sad look, "so I went there and interrogated the other nurses about where you were until they told me." He finished proudly. He nudged my cheek with his nose and kissed it. I giggled softly and looked towards my room. I dragged him over there, keeping hold of his hand. "So why are you here?" I asked, sitting on my bed and patting the spot beside me. He took the seat next to me and wrapped his arm around me.

"I missed you." I looked up at him and kissed his chin. He smiled at me and laid back on my bed, shutting his eyes and resting his arms behind his head. I stared at him for a minute before lying down next to him and putting my head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around me and nuzzled his face into my head. We laid there for minutes before I looked up at him again and quickly kissed him. When he pulled away from me, he breathlessly said my name, which I assumed was bad. But, he grabbed my chin and kissed me passionately. I moaned softly as he grabbed my hips and pulled me against him. Soon clothes starting coming off, followed by boxers and soon he was on top of me panting and sweaty. I ran my hands down his chest and then wrapped my arms around his neck. He lied down on top of me and trailed kissed down my neck and collarbone. I breathed in and tightened my arms around him. He looked up at me and kissed me gently.

"You were great." He murmured against my lips. I flashed him a shy smile and blushed lightly,

"Thanks…you too." He stroked my cheek, looking into my eyes.

"I've been so happy lately, it's all thanks to you. You make my heart skip when I see you." I blushed harder and kissed his nose.

"You make me feel like there's something there Sora."


End file.
